That’s me in 2005, which would mean I was twelve at the time, which means I was in grade six or seven. Oh, preteen-ness. The braces, the awkwardness, the weird growth spurts, the tiny boys… Truly, the awfullest part of growing up is that stage, right there. I was 5’6″, 150lbs, braces-ed, glasses-ed, and fully scornful of all people who did not like me. I also grazed during recess…
Is there hope? All middleschoolers! I turned out alright in the end! There is hope for you, too!
Anyways, looking back, it’s interesting to see how things change and we change and thank God for that! Back then, for example, my ultimate goal was To Attract A Boy. This was the end goal of everything. There was nothing past this. I have no doubt that I did not fulfill this goal until perhaps (I dunno) grade 12 or something. However, once I did start getting attractive, I realized that this was not all there was to it! Why, it wasn’t even that satisfying! Because mere attraction was just that, an appreciation from afar. So the goal of my youth was fulfilled, and was not as awesome as I thought it was. (though it is nice to be appreciated, even from afar. haha) I came to realize that what came after the initial attraction was way more fun, and more fulfilling, too. Friendship, relationship, etc. What fun! This became the new goal. Get as many friends as possible, for joy comes with social interaction. But to my chagrin, I realized that this, too, was not fully satisfying! I came to realize that if I spread myself over a whole bunch of people, it resulted in many nice surface level friendships, but gave no room for my more intimate ones. Also, it became apparent that if I was very friendly to guys, I had the power to give them the impression that I was interested in them. Lesson learned: with great friendliness comes great responsibility. It’s not nice to realize you’ve led someone on. 😦 Anyway, what I am learning right now is that I have put too much weight and importance on the satisfaction that my friends can give me. I love my friends, and I would never want to stop being friends with them, but they are only human. 🙂 Therefore, they will disappoint me, as I will them. Social interaction is a great thing, but it is not what will make me or anyone else ultimately happy. What do I take from this realization? Love God with all my heart, mind, and strength, and all these things will be added to me. If I love God, I will as a result love humans, because He does. And if I’m in close communion with God, he’ll send me to people who will be a joy and a blessing to me, and who I can hopefully bless in return. This, my friends, is the new goal.
コメント